Articles
Patching Things Up
Patching Things Up
Thom Vaught
Conflict and holes in the relationships around us are apparent at every level. From international and national politicos all the way to our communities, workplaces, and churches destructive conflict is common. We have conflict in our own homes with disagreements between spouses and siblings. Given the ubiquity of conflict in our lives, it is ironic how badly we seem to deal with it. How can we deal with inevitable conflict more constructively?
If the issue is minor, then consider letting it go. Proverbs 19:11 reads “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. (ESV)” If we constantly make mountains out of molehills, then no one will realize when we reach that hill on which we must make our stand.
Before addressing conflict make an effort to calm yourself. Proverbs 15:1 reads “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (ESV)” There have been times when singing Angry Words at worship that I am choking back tears because I didn’t follow this advice. This is often a very difficult step because conflict brings out very strong emotions within us. However, angry words more often than not lead to a destructive form of conflict that will strain our relationships to the breaking point.
Successful conflict resolution requires us to respectfully and humbly listen. Proverbs 18:13 reads “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. (ESV)” Scripture constantly reinforces the idea that we should listen to God and one another (Proverbs 12:2, 2:15, 18:2, 19: 20, 19:27; Ecclesiastes 5:1-2; James 1:19). Listening shows that you care about the relationship and want to work through things together.
We must nurture a healthy attitude toward conflict. Relationships absent of any and all conflict are also absent of growth. Proverbs 27:17 reads “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. (ESV)” This sharpening cannot take place unless we recognize and work through our differences together. Conflict should never be about winning arguments. A wise person at work once told me that even when you win an argument at work, then the company loses because we have wasted time and energy working against one another. Let’s always look for a way that everyone is sharper and better able to serve God as a result of conflict. We can do this by focusing on solving the problem together and both grow stronger.
With a humble heart and genuine love for one another, we will not only patch things up but cover a multitude of sins in the process (1 Peter 4:8). Let’s get to work patching things up before we run out of time.
